1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.
2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.
4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.
5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.
6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.
8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
9. Don’t dumb it down.
10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.
11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.
12. Never park in front of a bar.
13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.
14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.
15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.
16. A suntan is earned, not bought.
17. Never lie to your doctor.
18. All guns are loaded.
19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.
20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.
21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.
22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.
23. A handshake beats an autograph.
24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.
25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.
26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.
28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.
29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.
30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.
31. Eat lunch with the new kids.
32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.
33. It’s never too late for an apology.
34. Don’t pose with booze.
35. If you have the right of way, take it.
36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.
37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.
38. Never push someone off a dock.
39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.
40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.
41. Don’t make a scene.
42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.
43. Know when to ignore the camera.
44. Never gloat.
45. Invest in good luggage.
46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.
47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.
48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.
49. Give credit. Take blame.
50. Suck it up every now and again.
51. Never be the last one in the pool.
52. Don’t stare.
53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.
54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.
55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.
56. Admit it when you’re wrong.
57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.
58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.
59. Thank the bus driver.
60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.
61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
62. Know at least one good joke.
63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.
64. Know how to cook one good meal.
65. Learn to drive a stick shift.
66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.
68. Dance with your mother/father.
69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.
70. Always thank the host.
71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.
72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.
73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.
74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
75. Keep your word.
76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.
77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.
78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.
79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.
80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.
81. You are what you do, not what you say.
82. Learn to change a tire.
83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.
84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.
85. Don’t litter.
86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.
87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.
88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.
89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.
90. Make the little things count.
91. Always wear a bra at work.
92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.
93. You’re never too old to need your mom.
94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.
95. Know the words to your national anthem.
96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun then sitting on the bench alone.
97. Smile at strangers.
98. Make goals.
99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.
100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard."A high school teacher’s list of 100 wisest words (via passe-simple)
the best part about being the little spoon while cuddling is being able to rub your butt against the person’s junk
The best part about being the big spoon while cuddling is getting to rub your junk against the person’s butt
The best part about the big spoon as that it lets me get bigger portions of ice cream as I cry alone in my room.
people always wonder why girls get fucking psycho in a relationship. wanna know why? heres the reason why:
when we are interested in someone, we end up talking and becoming an “item”. but funny how only the label constitutes you being in a relationship huh. cause you may sleep with them every night, tell them i love you every day, be there through the ups and downs, but shit, if you dont have that damn TITLE, you aint shit!
So youre hung up on this dude right-sleeping together, loving on him, taking care of him, etc…but he flirts with everybody, fucks everybody, doesnt respect you. and then they wonder why we get jealous of other girls? why we get paranoid when we see a girl all up on your shit? ITS YOUR FAULT FUCKER! We wanna be the only woman you look at like that, we wanna be the only one who gets that kind of attention.
Now i know a lot of dudes are gonna be like-well shit, if you werent happy, why the fuck did you stay?! ill tell you why we stayed. we stayed because the dude said we were the one. we were the one that he could wife one day. sometimes, he was the nicest guy on the face of the earth—of course we believed it!
Of course, according to psychology, girls are more into what we hear and boys are into what they see. its the way our brains are wired. We all subconsciously know this—thats why guys are so good with words and why girls dress like sluts.
So ladies, lets learn to guard our heart! theres nothing wrong with being closed off and being protective of ourselves and each other. Because that guy who’s willing to talk to you despite all that—could be the best guy in your life. if hes willing to take all that shit you throw at him—like being a fucking bitch-in order to guard your heart—hes gonna break down those walls and you might be able to love again.
BUT until then, i guess we will never know. fuck fake relationships and shit that cant be until HE SAYS. bitch i run my own life.
every time i think about it, the more i tell myself that i should be letting go already. saying that you only want certain ones that look a certain way. but you sit alone with me in the silence and tell me im beautiful, i have a good heart, all this shit. im starting to think that everything you have been telling me is a lie. people ask you if we are together, and you say no. im only in to hawaiian looking girls.
and next year, with you gone. i feel like im gonna be up here, alone, and youre just going to forget about me. im just going to be another girl to you. and nothing i did or was doing for you is gonna mean anything to you. after everything that we have shared, it would mean nothing to you. absolutely nothing. i dont want to be just another girl to you, because youre not just another guy to me.
My sister-in-law as a TransFormerly Known As Prince
My brother’s friend as Saddam Hussein Bolt
And (my personal favorite) my brother as DumbleDora the Explorer